.
surprise!:D missed this guy so much can’t wait to be down here forever with him

surprise!:D missed this guy so much can’t wait to be down here forever with him

Vanessa’s picture she drew for Ryan:)

Vanessa’s picture she drew for Ryan:)

my 92 year old grandfather texts me:) I love him he’s the best. #papa

my 92 year old grandfather texts me:) I love him he’s the best. #papa

smfh!

smfh!

here’s some color

here’s some color

dear muffins

you’re a pathetic loser. four years ago on June nineteenth 2010, more than four years after we officially broke up, you come back to me, tell me you still love me. yeah, we were best friends six and a half months before we dated. I’ve known you nine years,  since June 2005. nine pathetic years. you were my first love. I never got over you. we started officially dating in 2006, January 3 to be exact, and in 2008 I convinced myself I was over you. even though you constantly tried to talk to/hang out with me. even though you got married right after you turned 18, and had a kid shortly after. (did you ever find out if she was yours?)  you were my first love, the first guy I was intimate with, so when you told me in 2010 that you were in the process of a divorce, and you wanted to be with me, you never stopped loving me, it wasn’t your choice to break up, of course I believed you. we had a few good months there. you were so gentle, so caring, the boy I fell in love with when we were sixteen. living together, sleeping together, and what not. you said the bitch(your words, not mine) was pregnant, but it wasn’t yours. you would get a dna test and have better chance getting custody of your daughter. those poor kids. you said me and you and your little girl would be a family together. I was dumb, naive, blinded by my first love. when i had to move back in with my mom, I’d sneak out to see you. on my 21st birthday you said we wouldn’t see each other for awhile, she was about to have the baby and you didn’t want courts going through your phone records and blah blah blah. then I stopped hearing from you for like a year. I tried to reach out. on my 22nd you told me your motorcycle business was going well, you were staying where you were, I should move on. yeah. okay. I always thought about you, but left you alone. yeah me and my friends did some immature things that I won’t get into, but it’s cool. November 15 2012 you randomly messaged me on fb. said the divorce was real this time, her Facebook confirmed it. you actually gave me your number. you asked how I felt about talking in person. of course I jumped at that chance. you said you had wanted to leave me alone, you didn’t want to hurt me anymore. we hung out, you said you didn’t want to sleep together, because it wasn’t a good idea at the time. I didn’t care. I wanted to. so we did. you said you never got a dna test on the baby boy, but you claimed him as yours. okay. you said after a few times hanging out that you were ‘going away for awhile’. yeah, I’ve heard that before. September 2013 was the last time we slept together. you had tried to reach out to me in between those times, you were in a bad accident and lost a finger even. you gave me the run around again. you were getting the divorce right before you got your settlement from the accident, so she wouldn’t take all your money. you kept going back to her because she used the kids against you. you said she knew it was coming, she knew you were with other women. what you failed to tell me was that she was pregnant, with apparently your child again. (are any of them yours?) you reached out to me once again on my birthday, you had a one month old baby that i didn’t know existed. you wanted to give me birthday sex before you ‘moved’. you missed me. blah blah. then threatened me if I told anyone about us. well this is me telling whoever reads this about us. I hope whoever googles your name sees this. I hope your WIFE sees this. you know, the wife you said you wished would die? the one you said you wished would have a miscarriage? the one you wanted to push off a bridge? I’ve known you nine fucking years. and a part of me will always have feelings for you. but I’m finally at a good place in life. I have a man who loves me, who doesn’t lie and cheat. I’m waiting for you to try and come back again. it always happens. it never stops. sometimes it takes years. but you know what? after going back and forth emotionally with you for eight years, I am DONE with you, Gregory Matthew Spangler. DONE. I know. I’ve said that many times before. but now, I mean it.

today you would have been eighteen. here you are celebrating my 21st with me. my last birthday you celebrated with me. my first birthday you celebrated with me was my 7th. I miss you, my best friend. you were there for me through everything. through my parents divorcing, broken hearts, everything. I miss you. I love you. happy birthday scooter.

today you would have been eighteen. here you are celebrating my 21st with me. my last birthday you celebrated with me. my first birthday you celebrated with me was my 7th. I miss you, my best friend. you were there for me through everything. through my parents divorcing, broken hearts, everything. I miss you. I love you. happy birthday scooter.

my babies

my babies

happy two months since I met you<3 love you so much

happy two months since I met you<3 love you so much

saw a kiwi spoon cup in the garbage at dollar tree and couldn&#8217;t believe it&#8230;drove over&#8230;. IT&#8217;S OPEN&lt;3

saw a kiwi spoon cup in the garbage at dollar tree and couldn’t believe it…drove over…. IT’S OPEN<3

I love Ryan

but my relationship isn’t all rainbows and butterflies as it seems sometimes. we both have anger issues. I’m usually irritable and my anger just comes to the surface and he’s usually the one who’s around. we yell and argue, but what couple doesn’t? sometimes I feel as if I treat him like shit, unknowingly, but yet he stays with me. I love him so much and I am so grateful that he understands my mental illnesses. I’m still ashamed. I need to stop being so mean. I’ve noticed in relationships I tend to see how much of me the other person can handle, in a sense. I dunno. I never want him to leave me, and I won’t leave him. he does so much for me and sometimes it seems like he makes one mistake I freak out on him:(